There’s now an Oblivion Remastered mod that lets you eat rocks

Thrempshs npmopw apnn Oblmpmphon Rmphstrpmshrd mphd aphmt etmphing rshks. Sorry, I’ve finished chewing. There’s now an Oblivion Remastered mod that lets you, the almighty Hero of Kvatch and saviour of the empire (well, in the short-term), eat rocks. Leave room for dessert – there are gemstones too.

Yes, those of you currently shouting at your screen at home/on the train/in the car park of a supermarket, just like you could in Morrowind, the Elder Scrolls game that’s very good and also an endless source of interesting mechanics/quirks Bethesda should maybe bring back. Some people just like spears or having to search for key locations based on the kind of vague directions you get if you’re on holiday and ask a stranger who hates the fact you exist.

Modder CephalonImp’s ‘Edible Gems‘ is one of those ‘does what it says on the tin’ sorts of mods. Inside that tin in this case are a variety of rocks, gems, and ores you’ll pick up as you roam around Cyrodiil like the fantasy equivalent of a gang of rambunctious teenagers on bikes.

It turns 14 miscellaneous items into alchemy ingredients, meaning you can eat them to find out the new alchemical properties the modder’s added to them. Chow down on a gold nugget, and marvel at the aftertaste that’s a bit silency, a bit burdeny, a pinch weakness to shocky, and also packs just a hint of personality fortification. Then, ask Sheogorath to ring up Jamie Oliver, burp, and shout the words ‘Now that’s what I call real cuisine’ down the receiver.

Maybe have three course meal of pearls as a starter, madness and iron ore with a sapphire garnish, then for dessert – for something a bit different – shove a bear pelt down your gullet, because the mod’ll let you eat raw animal hides too. Think of all the nutrition.

CephalonImp’s even given several of these divine dishes the same cocktail of alchemical effects they had in Morrowind, because you can’t eat rocks in a fashion that isn’t lore-friendly (won’t somebody think of the immersion?).

“Flawless and Flawed gem variants have also been removed, but all gems are now worth their Flawless values,” the modder added. See, you’re only getting top-draw grub here and also probably eating something you could have sold for a pretty penny – now that’s RPG choice and consequence, even if we’re not quite at the point of getting mods that make the pointy stuff you ingest inflict health damage a day later, to properly simulate the inevitable chaser to your ill-advised shot.

Anyway, make sure you clean all the gravel off your plate, and check out the interviews we’ve been doing with Oblivion Remastered modders who’ve been pushing the boundaries and working on interesting stuff.